Goodbye

So this weekend was suppose to be my last with my brother Trey for 13 months because he was leaving on Monday for Iraq. Well my dad called me about two hours ago to inform me that his date was moved even further up and he will now be leaving tomorrow or Saturday. SO now instead of getting to spend time with him, on my way home this weekend Im going to stop at Killeen and tell him good-bye. He's already been to Iraq once so this time it's not as hard but it's still empty and scary. I wish he didn't have to go back, having him gone is like losing another brother all over again. Sometimes I think to myself ... they just keep leaving, although I know that Trey will be back because he made it through the first time and I have to have faith otherwise I won't be able to make it.
This is just not my semester..God keeps giving me these big hurdles that I have to jump and I just want to rest. But only 2 more months and I'll be going home and thats where I really belong. Im not convincing myself or giving up, I just know that San Marcos just isn't the place for me and I feel so much happier when Im home and with my family than down here.. by myself.

I hope that Trey can make it this time, because I don't think I can lose another brother and I don't want to.

Stress week...

This week is such a stressful week! History keeps coming and coming and not to mention last night I didn't sleep at all. I woke up every hour on the hour... it was crazy.

The good things that I do get to look forward to are 1. Im going home this weekend and the fair is going on!! Im so excited!!! 2. I got the One Tree Hill season 3... so finally something to distract me and take my mind off of everything!

Hm Im so ready to go home.

Calls and thoughts

Don't you hate it when you are in a perectly good deep sleep and then all of the sudden... ring ring!! Ahh! That happens all of the time now that Im away at college.. people love to call me in the middle of the night! I never sleep all the way through without waking up and my phone off the charger and by myside... and me wondering.. who called and and what did I say?

OH the annoying things..

But as for the whole school thing, I stayed here this weekend.. I didn't get to go home and it wasn't so bad. But now Im so ready to go home this next weekend. I know that Im finding myself but for me transfering home or closer to home next semester isn't a bad thing. Everyone believes that it's giving up or not giving TX State a try and I am, I have been, I just know that Im not at home down here and I don't feel good about myself and if I go home and make a life for myself outside of my parents home then I can start to feel better. Its all still up in the air now, I still have about another month to decide, Im still praying and I really believe that God wants me to do whats best for me and not just and try and please others this time.

Confused

So basically my life is spiraling downward right now and I feel like I can't catch my breath. Im so ready for tomorrow because I get to go home and see my mom and I can finally breath. My mom is the only person right now in my life that I can count on, I wish I lived at home. But on 62 more days and we start taking finals and then I get to transfer home... that is what I'm going to do. If I ever want to be happy and find myself again, I need to be somewhere where I can be myself and be happy again and it's not here.

Ahhh I hope I can make it 62 more days.... I know I can.. I just need to pray.

So ready but it's so far

Okay so Im pretty certian Im going to transfer closer to home next semester. Don't get me wrong I love San Marcos and I thought I would love Texas State.. but it's not what I thought at all. I miss my family, my boyfriend, and Im just homesick. I know it sounds crazy but I feel it in my heart that its the right thing to do and it will make me happy because I am not happy down here. Oh well.
So Texas lost to Ohio, I pretty much called that one because once you go on a winning streak ... I don't think it's possible to have it again the next season, as much as I want it for them.
Okay well I don't have that much else to say but for anyone who cares I'll keep you up-dated on the whole college thing!

Not Sure..

So this whole thing is very confusing... and I don't mean the blog. I mean my school situation. I am not enjoying life here in San Marcos, Im very homesick and I feel very deeply that if I change schools ..one that is more closer to my home town, Tyler, I will feel better. Oh but then when if I don't and I make another wrong decision.. ah! Life!